Thank you for showing that ducks need the attention they deserve.
But please tell me why my car has become the bullseye for all bird droppings when it is not even close to a tree or building?
Grimm
My feelings on birds have been made clear, and I won't dwell on them here. Suffice to say, it was birds, and British weather, that forced me to install a clear Perspex roof over my pole. The birds found this hilarious and made it opaque within a day. I am convinced they do it deliberately. When you're stood 15 foot above the ground winged creatures perceive you as a threat and attack you anyway possible. I'm just glad horses haven’t learnt how to fly yet.
I could find no research on this topic (scientists largely being cyclists) but it is widely believed that birds have colour preferences. In nature they prefer to excrete in water, leaving no visible traces and keeping the location of their nests a secret. If your car is black, blue, or green, it may be that birds mistake it for a lake, pond or a public toilet.
They seem to especially enjoy splattering red cars. It is possible this is because they’re naturally attracted to red, the colour of berries, fruit and Virgin Broadband. Or it could simply be that birds hate a flashy car just as much as the next species.
If none of this rings true, perhaps you’re reincarnated from a python, Mongoose or Boeing 727. As you were an untimely cause of avian death in your past life, they are seeking their revenge in this one. Of course reincarnation is a fallacious fabrication with no basis in reality. But it is possible that no-one has told the birds this.
If you want to prevent birds from pooping on your car, there are several possible solutions.
You could:
- Hire some one to stand next to your car waving a bird scarer whenever you park.
- Cover your car in army camouflage equipment and leave it in the middle of a firing range,
- Or replace your hood ornament with a live Falcon
Alternatively you can paint your car the colour of bird crap -this will at least save you from having to wash it.
To be honest though, the effort is largely wasted. Birds are much like the goverment. No matter what you do, they're still crap all over you.
Hope this helps
