All Gurus need an iPod. Without radio 4’s podcasts, and Britney Spears whimsical lyrics, I couldn’t cope with the more political, topical and rhythmical issues raised by my Pilgrims. It also helps when my mother-in-law visits.
Even the headphones are useful; they give me an excuse to ignore people.
A few days ago, for example, I was walking home through Lawrence Hill. Lawrence hill, as everyone knows, is a 'dodgy area', the home of Bristol’s tired, poor, and huddled masses yearning to breathe illegal substances. If Bristol had a Ghetto, it would be afraid of Lawrence Hill.
So I was somewhat alarmed (Guru’s are never afraid) when a resident started shouting at me. "Hey," he shouted, "Hey you!" In Bristolian this roughly translates as 'giv meh awl ya Doe' and, to quote the philosopher Socrates, 'screw that!' Fortunately however, because I was wearing my headphones (even though I wasn’t listening to music,) I was able to pretend I couldn't hear him. Without a second glance I walked past and headed home. The shouts got angrier, fainter, and faded away.
I was very satisfied (gurus are never proud.) It was a victory. I had managed to ignore some Bristol scum, the kind of person who so desperately needs my help and should hurry up and come to my pole to get it.
It wasn't until I got home and took off the headphones that I found they weren't connected to anything. Panicking (calmly, Guru’s are always calm) I searched my jeans, my bag, my underwear, even the secret hollow section of pole my wife doesn't know about. My iPod, my one distraction from the tediousness of the infinite, was gone.
The stranger wasn't after my riches, he was trying to give them back. I must have dropped the iPod and he was warning me. Through my ability to ignore people I had lost the thing that most helped me ignore them
That night, to atone for my pride, I tried to meditate for an hour longer than normal, but it was just too much of a strain without Britney to keep me company.
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