Who or What is the Freelance Guru

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2423593840360177626.post-50703733844112950602008-03-31T07:01:00.011+01:002008-04-06T11:55:06.009+01:00Who or What is the Freelance Guru<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GVsVdk__XXc/R-_quRVWHpI/AAAAAAAAAd4/abRbPvLw8ZY/s1600-h/Meditate_face.jpg"><img style="border: 0pt none ; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GVsVdk__XXc/R-_quRVWHpI/AAAAAAAAAd4/abRbPvLw8ZY/s200/Meditate_face.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183619776774545042" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">A brief history of the Freelance Guru</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GVsVdk__XXc/R-_quRVWHpI/AAAAAAAAAd4/abRbPvLw8ZY/s1600-h/Meditate_face.jpg"></a><p class="openparagraph">Not long ago, I sold insurance for a living. This was as awful as it sounds and twice as depressing. Then, one day, the toy snake on top of my monitor smiled at me. Right then, I realised I was wasting my life in a cascade of career prospects, pay packets and plastic tasting coffee. If a stuffed toy with no job and no money was happy why could I not be?</p><div style="float: right;" class="post_sidebar"><b> Praise for the Guru</b><br />The next time I find myself meddled with one of life's many uncertainties, be sure I will ask The Guru.<br /><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://www.blogcatalog.com/blogs/a-spoonfull-of-shut-up.html">Joshua</a></span><br /></div>Until I read The Freelance Guru, I thought all gurus were smelly old opinionated men who cackled madly and gave nonsensical advice. Now I know that they don't have to be old or smelly!<br /><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://www.avitable.com/">Avitable</a></span></div>Even my husband goes to read it!<br /><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://thiseclecticlife.com/">Shelly</a></span><br /></div>Part ghandi, two parts candy and three parts Jack Handey [...] and most importantly, I believe he shares my love of orgies.<br /><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://www.canucklehead.ca/blog/">Canucklehead</a></span><br /></div>What in thunder are you doing on top of a pole?<br />No, on second thought, don’t tell me...<br /><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://www.deardora.com/">Dora</a></span></div></div><br />Despite my wife's protests, I quit my job and erected a Guru's pole in my garden, a more complicated task than you may imagine. Taking only those things essential to life, such as my mobile phone, my laptop and my Nivea intensive-care moisturiser, I climbed atop of my hermits’ erection and set myself to finding enlightenment.<br /><br />Several days later, I achieved my goal.<br /><br />Now, I return to my pole 8 hours a day (with the exception of Bank Holidays and weekends) to change the world. My mission is simple: I will enlighten all who come to me. Through the wisdom of the infinite, and with the aid of Luke, the toy snake who revealed my path to me, I will teach them all the error of their ways. Together, we will discover their destiny.<br /><br />I am the Freelance guru − fountain of knowledge in the desert of ignorance, giver of light in a land of darkness, and the best mantra chanter in the south-west of England.<br /><br />Allow me to enlighten you.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Purpose of the Freelance Guru Blog</span><br /><br /><p class="openparagraph">This blog is for those who cannot walk the hazardous path to my back garden, yet seek my infinite wisdom.<br /><br />In its pages I answer the questions of all that come to me. <a href="http://freelanceguru.co.uk/2008/02/ask-guru.html">Any who seek answers</a> will find <a href="http://freelanceguru.co.uk/2008/02/ask-guru_20.html">them here</a>, and even those who seek nothing will leave wiser than whence they came. Through this blog's message even the most lost of Pilgrims may find his own path to the infinite.<br /><br />It is a place for me to share new enlightements, teach the wisdom of the infinite to the searching masses, and keep me occupied during Pilgrim downtime.<br /><br />It is the blog of the Freelance Guru. And it is the greatest gift the Internet will ever give you.</p><br /><div class="sign">Marcus</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><div align='center'><div style='font-weight: bold; border:solid 3px #804000; margin:20px;Padding:5px;'> If you like this post, use the links below to tell your friends.<br/> Help enlighten the world!</div> <script type="text/javascript"> </script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"> </script></div><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2423593840360177626-5070373384411295060?l=freelanceguru.co.uk'/></div>The Freelance Guruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02185521334184060191noreply@blogger.com13